Uncertainty
by Sluie92
Summary: Dean and Cas have a heart to heart


"I'm sorry it's… It's too weird," said Dean, taking a step back.

"Weird how?" frowned Cas.

"You're, well, a guy, for one thing. Man, you've got stubble. I mean I've kissed some girls that kinda felt like they had stubble but it wasn't like this…" he said, attempting a chuckle.

"If it helps, I am not really male. Angels do not have a gender as humans do. I am a celestial wavelength in a male vessel."

"No, no, that doesn't help, thanks."

They frowned at each other. Dean shifted nervously.

"I am somewhat attached to this one, but I could find a female vessel if you would prefer…" said Cas eventually. His uncertain eyes met Dean's before darting away.

"No! I mean, er, no. I'm attached to this one, too. I like it. It's you. Don't change."

Dean sighed heavily and sat down. Cas sat beside him, leaving a gap between them large enough for a third person.

"Look, I know it's gonna be hard for you to understand, but I've been hiding this part of me my whole life, even from myself. I… It was always easier than trying to understand, to admit it out loud. It worked when it was just a cute guy smiling at me in a bar, or a crush on a guy I knew I'd never see once I drove on to the next town. I could push those away and not let it get to me. But this… This thing between us… It won't go away. I can't… I can't do that any more…"

Cas listened intently, his eyes never leaving Dean's face. He saw the pain there, and the lifetime of hidden feelings. His heart broke a little for the child told to stop hanging out with 'that queer kid', for the teenager who asked out the cheerleader but whose eyes strayed to the quarterback, for the man who denied himself a vital facet of his being. He frowned but said nothing, sensing that Dean needed to talk himself out.

"I'm b…bisexual," Dean said aloud, for the first time. When the world didn't end he allowed himself a small smile.

"Congratulations, Dean," Cas said sincerely.

Dean laughed, and breathed out a long time. He took a deep breath and slowly let that out too.

"Yeah. So. It's not about you being a dude. I… I like dudes. I like chicks and dudes. But I… I've never… It's all new to me." He gave an awkward laugh and a shrug, then cleared his throat and looked away, anywhere but at Cas.

"We can take it slow," offered Cas.

"Thanks," said Dean. He shuffled awkwardly.

"But it's not just the bi thing. It's… Well, it's you. You're my best friend. My brother in arms. Family, really, even though that sounds gross. It's like, crossing that line with you into 'more than'… It's weird."

Cas paused. He looked intently at Dean, subtly inching a little closer.

"We have always been 'more than', Dean. Perhaps you did not realise it for what it was, but it was there. Our bond was strong from the moment we met and it has only gotten stronger. "

"When we met? Did you forget that I stabbed you?" Dean said, with a chuckle.

"Even as your blade pierced my flesh I was marvelling at your bravery, and your beauty," said the angel.

Dean stuttered, and swallowed, and looked intently at Cas' lapel. His cheeks warmed.

"Can you cut that out? This is hard enough without you being all poetic and angelic and crap," Dean said, gruff.

"And another thing-" he began, but his sentence was quashed as Cas' lips gently brushed his own. They didn't kiss, not yet. Cas simply hovered, and waited, eyelids trembling but shut.

Dean's eyes remained open as he drank in every inch of his best friend's face. The gentle slope of his brow, the crinkles around smiling eyes, the rough stubble upon flushed cheeks, the jawline to make a sculptor weep…

It took a moment for Dean to realise what he had done; feeling the soft skin of Cas' face beneath his fingers felt so natural, so right. He traced every line of that familiar face with calloused fingertips, fearfully watching the gentle expression on it for any change. But Cas was still, a faint smile upon his full lips.

Dean's hand slid back and into Cas' hair, softer than he would have expected, thick. He ran his fingers softly through the angel's dark tresses, coming to rest on the back of his neck.

And then there was nothing for it. His uncertainty melted away as the draw of Cas' lips overwhelmed him, and suddenly he was kissing them. It was soft, and sweet, and lasted only a moment, but it said everything.

"I love you too, Dean," said Cas.

"I-I never said that, you ass-" stuttered Dean, but he stopped short as Cas fixed him with a knowing look.

"Oh, screw you," said Dean, and kissed him, saying everything all over again.


End file.
